


Control

by LadyAbadeer



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gay, Hate, Internalized Homophobia, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22362271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAbadeer/pseuds/LadyAbadeer
Summary: Elsa grew up as the preacher's daughter in town. She was the perfect lady everyone was to look up to, blameless. But they didn't know her secret.
Relationships: Elsa & Honeymaren (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	Control

**Author's Note:**

> I'm depressed when I wrote this and I didn't even edit and just went with the flow. It's badly written I'm sorry. This actually feels personal to me. Please don't kill me.

Dust and spiderwebs covered the attic's door indicating it was unopened for so many years. Elsa covered her nose and mouth from inhaling the particles and with her left hand turned the knob slowly and pushed it open. The room was dark and empty as how she wanted it to be. It used to store unused, broken objects she had seen and not seen when she was little until nine years ago her parents decided to burn and sell some of those.

Her feet led her inside in the midst of the room, dust flying as she took a step and another. The ropes on her shoulders suddenly felt heavy, her chest burned as if something just set fire inside her while tears streamed down her face. She knew if she entertained it now, it'll lead her nowhere and she won't be able to do it. This was it. Her fists clenched so tight her knuckles turned white, choking down a sob. There was no going back. 

Elsa turned for the door and stepped out. She grabbed the wooden chair she had brought from the hallway and lifted it, taking it inside the room with her. 

As she placed the chair at the center, she heard something from the dimly lit hall. She glanced back at the door, pausing to see if someone perhaps had followed her. But she sure knows no one was in their house but her. She had told her parents and Anna that she can't attend the worship service for today, saying she was still sick. 

And she knew Agnarr would recommend considering the issues that had roamed around the town. He was ashamed of her daughter. He never said it but the look on his eyes that night told Elsa everything she needed to know. Iduna tried to reached out to explain to her but she just can't. They don't understand, they never will. Anna, on the other hand, has no idea she had just got out of the hospital from breaking an arm and telling her spot on wouldn't be the best thing for her sister. The day after the incident when Elsa walked from her boarding house, she noticed the electric eyes the town was giving her. And even back on the train where people whispered about her. 

After minutes of staring at the open door, nothing and no one came. She took a shaky breath, noticing how her heartbeat sped up. 

Her feet felt like they were glued on the ground, cold sweats started forming on her forehead. Odd is, she felt the wind moved around her, giving her chills and losing her sanity. There was no window in the attic. 

Her eyes flew wide open as she heard a voice but it was low, like a grumble inside the room. She turned around searching from its source, wanting to ask but afraid to hear an answer. Her head flipped from side to side as the voice sounded more like a growl. It felt so close to her ears, making the hairs on her bare shoulders rise. The wooden walls started spinning around her, shadows creeping in reaching for her as the voice continued on her head, whispering a language she couldn't understood. It wasn't just a voice now, it was voices. Different voices. Eyes pinned at her at the moment from the darkness that the room held suffocating her with the words it spake begging her to submit herself to its command.

Elsa ran her hands through her hair turning her head in different directions, throat dried she couldn't utter a word.

It isn't real.

I'm just imagining things.

This is--

"It is."

Elsa froze at the sound of her father's voice. Tears building up again. A silhouette formed in the dark that stood properly poised facing her.

"But dad I--"

You hear me.

"No...I'm..."

You disgust me.

*****

Honeymaren didn't wait for Brix's umbrella, she ran towards the green grass letting the rain's heavy drops soak her black suit. She breathed heavily as she stumbled on some of the stones, spotting some of whom the name was not written. She went from stone to stone ignoring her body's shivering at the cold for today.

"Maren!" Her boyfriend called from behind, stepping outside the car.

She didn't hear anything, her mind was pumping louder than the noise around her. Her thoughts were scrambled, every heartbeat was painful against her chest as the agonizing thought crossed her mind. It was months since she had left this place, she had promised not to return until she had heard of it.

Even the heavens agreed, the drops were heavy and the sky was covered with thick gray clouds. She was always skeptical when it comes to the existence of God but this day she prayed, wept and begged for his mercy.

Then she saw the flowers. She stopped on her tracks, taking in the grave she was looking for. Slowly, she took the steps towards it, begging to god for the truth to be a lie. But the name carved into the stone can't be denied. 

Elsa Oldenburg  
(1993-2016)

Honeymaren broke down and wept, clutching her chest, as if her heart was crushed by a sledgehammer. Unbearable agony crept inside her, feeling her knees fumbling and shaking causing her to kneel on the mud. The impeccable timing of the rain ceasing as she did so. She cried in anger, agony and sadness gripping the gravestone hard."No...please..."

Brix came and knelt beside her. He looked confused and worried but he didn't say a word about it. He didn't know about it. Maren told him Elsa was her childhood bestfriend and nothing else. 

He slipped his hands on Maren's shoulders and comforted her, "Maren..." But it only made the brunette feel worse. She felt disgusted and guilty. It only reminded her of how different Elsa's touch was. How it was soft and cold yet it made her feel so warm inside. She felt completely alive under Elsa's hands unlike anyone's, unlike Brix's. She broke out of his embrace and ran down the path that led to the forest.

Maren dodged some branches and jumped on some huge roots as she ran, tears continuing to blur her vision. She blinked it away but immediately it filled her eyes again and rolled down her cheeks. She heard Brix called behind her and she increased her speed not noticing a root sticking out from the ground. She tripped over it and fell face down on muddy puddle. A pang of pain in her ribs as it hit a rock ran all through out her fragile body. 

The pain suffocated her, finding it hard to breathe but her mind ran its wheels ignoring the pain on her rib and stood. She barely ran seeing the sky ahead covered by the trees, the end was a cliff and if she didn't stop she would fall straight into the deep parts of the water.

It was her intention. 

As she reached the cliff's edge, she stopped and looked on the yonder only to replay the moments of her life with Elsa. Flashing back to the time their family moved in the town of Arendelle, to the time she met Elsa at school, to the time she hated her for being perfect, to the time Elsa became her homework buddy, to the time she defended Elsa from the bullies, to the time they were in highschool, to the time she realized she liked the blonde, to the time of her confession, to their first kiss, to their first date, to their first argument, to them being secret lovers and to all those times they secretly went on a date.

There was no point now. 

The numbness on her feet went up realizing she standing close to the edge. She took a deep breath and a step forward. Feeling herself fall and dreamed of those times she wished she had held on to.

Her body plunged into the water and refused on her limbs to move. She went still, the thought of living was heinous, poisonous itself. Her lungs demanded air and she knew she'd give in if she'll just refuse to move.

She inhaled water and felt air left her body thru her mouth, her body shook and her arms clasped on her side trying to bring her up in the surface but it was too late.

After a few seconds the waters went still.


End file.
